AVENUE VIET Forum Index AVENUE VIET
An Online Community
 
AlbumAlbum   FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
The views expressed herein are the writers' own and do not necessarily reflect those of the webmasters, administrators and moderators of this forum. Refer to the complete disclaimer.
Yiddish Humor

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    AVENUE VIET Forum Index » The Funnies
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
vu



Joined: 30 Apr 2005
Posts: 2360
Location: L.A., California

PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 1:57 am    Post subject: Yiddish Humor Reply with quote

Jewish Comedians.
Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humor.
Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below:

[But plenty of wife-bashing. -v]

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable?"
The man says, "I make a good living."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out,
she'll kill me!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief
spends less than my wife did.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it
the Dead Sea .
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This
time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud
fell off.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor:
"See! What did I tell you?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how
do I stand?
The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here
for drinking.
The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case
you should call."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices
for dinner - Take it or leave it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his father he has a part in
the play.
He asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The father scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
_________________
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Bérénice



Joined: 16 Dec 2007
Posts: 385
Location: Across the Ocean

PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 2:57 pm    Post subject: Yiddish humour Reply with quote

Quote:
Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below:

[But plenty of wife-bashing. -v]

Yes indeed. Poor Jewish wives!

I'm surprised there are no Jewish mothers jokes. I've heard plenty of those. super grin
_________________
Dans un mois, dans un an, comment souffrirons-nous
Seigneur, que tant de mers me séparent de vous?
Et que le jour commence, et que le jour finisse
Sans que jamais Titus puisse voir Bérénice?

***
In a month, in a year, how will we steel our hearts
My lord, to being from each other oceans apart?
And that day after day dawns and then dies
Without our ever being able to see each other's eyes?
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Bérénice



Joined: 16 Dec 2007
Posts: 385
Location: Across the Ocean

PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:02 pm    Post subject: Jewish mother jokes Reply with quote

Let me remedy the lack. super grin




_________________
Dans un mois, dans un an, comment souffrirons-nous
Seigneur, que tant de mers me séparent de vous?
Et que le jour commence, et que le jour finisse
Sans que jamais Titus puisse voir Bérénice?

***
In a month, in a year, how will we steel our hearts
My lord, to being from each other oceans apart?
And that day after day dawns and then dies
Without our ever being able to see each other's eyes?
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Vroom Vroom



Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Posts: 302
Location: United States Of America

PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:06 pm    Post subject: Jewish mother jokes Reply with quote

These are too long to copy. Click on the link and have a good laugh, whether you're Jewish or not. shameless grin

https://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/35-signs-you-were-raised-by-a-jewish-mother?utm_term=.peKW5K1KX#.fvgyO808P
_________________
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.
bleh
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    AVENUE VIET Forum Index » The Funnies All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group