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Marriage - Happy, Open or Dead
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inkling7
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6627
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:55 am    Post subject: What kind of love? Reply with quote

I suppose it all comes down to what kind of love and whether the person has told their spouse about it or not..intellctual love can be different but if spouse is not that way inclined then intellectual love could end up as physical love if said person is not receiving it at home..
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Wildflower



Joined: 03 Mar 2005
Posts: 6832
Location: Shuttling between France and the US

PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 4:06 pm    Post subject: Amitié amoureuse Reply with quote

In French we have a phrase that has no equivalent in English: Amitié amoureuse.

Literally, "Loving Friendship" - a friendship with overtones of romantic love. The friendship can be based on intellectual compatibility, mutual love of music, poetry, etc., stimulating discussion, sense of humour, tolerance for differences of opinion... Possibly some attraction if the two people find each other nice to look at and feel physically comfortable with each other while staying strictly platonic.

This reminds me of Francis Cabrel's song "L'encre de tes yeux" (the ink of your eyes)

Music À trop vouloir te regarder j'en oubliais mes chaînes
J'aimerais pourtant te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
C'est ton sourire qui me l'a dicté Music

I wanted so much to look at you that I forgot I was wearing chains (i.e. guy's married)
But I do want to tell you
Everything I've written
Was inspired by your smile Hearts

Music Tu viendras longtemps marcher dans mes rêves
Tu viendras toujours du côté où le soleil se lève
Et si jamais j'arrive à t'oublier
J'aimerais pourtant te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
Aura longtemps le parfum des regrets Music

You will walk in my dreams for a long time
You'll always come from where the sun is rising
And if I ever manage to forget you
I do want to tell you
Everything I've written
Will long have the fragrance of regret

Music Mais comme on ne vivra jamais tous les deux
Puisqu'on est fous, puisqu'on est seuls
Puisqu'ils sont si nombreux
J'aimerais quand même te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
Je l'ai puisé à l'encre de tes yeux Music

But since we'll never live together
Since we are mad, since we are alone
Since there are so many of them
I would still want to tell you
Everything I've ever written
Was dipped in the ink of your eyes Hearts

https://youtu.be/YiFBXUt66PY


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Minstrel of the Dawn



Joined: 28 Aug 2013
Posts: 217
Location: With the one I love

PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:58 pm    Post subject: Love songs Reply with quote

Seems the Courting/Magic Carpet thread has moved to here? wink

So let me post a song that I like a lot. It's been slightly rewritten, but not much.

Though we are apart
You'll always be there beside me
The love light in your eyes
Is all I need to guide me

The gold is the sunlight on your hair
Silver in the stars above me
I can hear the music
Just because you love me
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Wildflower



Joined: 03 Mar 2005
Posts: 6832
Location: Shuttling between France and the US

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:38 am    Post subject: A marriage in the doldrums Reply with quote

In the book I'm currently reading, I found this sentence that describes perfectly that kind of situation:

Quote:
The way people are when they have kids they love and a marriage that isn't right enough to be really happy or wrong enough to change. (Richard North Patterson, Silent Witness, p. 379 of the paperback edition.)

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Pols_R_Us



Joined: 07 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 5:13 pm    Post subject: Re: A marriage in the doldrums Reply with quote

Wildflower wrote:
In the book I'm currently reading, I found this sentence that describes perfectly that kind of situation:

Quote:
The way people are when they have kids they love and a marriage that isn't right enough to be really happy or wrong enough to change. (Richard North Patterson, Silent Witness, p. 379 of the paperback edition.)

Great quote. I know many marriages like that, holding up just through force of habit. Or maybe just apathy. It's easier to stay with the tried and true than risk the upheaval of pulling up anchor, all the way to divorce. Especially when there are kids.

But thank God there are exceptions. A very few marriages make it to their Diamond Anniversary with both partners still happy with each other.

The thing is, life is change. Can the relationship evolve and adapt with the changes the couple has to go through? Children, illness, money problems, extra-marital temptations... Even politics. Or hobbies.
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RavenStar



Joined: 21 Sep 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 5:17 pm    Post subject: Re: A marriage in the doldrums Reply with quote

Pols_R_Us wrote:
I know many marriages like that, holding up just through force of habit. Or maybe just apathy. It's easier to stay with the tried and true than risk the uoheaval of pulling up anchor, all the way to divorce. Especially when there are kids.

Kids grow up. But even when they're still young, it isn't good for them to grow up in a climate of tension if the marriage is shaky, and they sense that their parents are living a lie, just going through the motions.
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Annamite_en_Amérique



Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Posts: 1989
Location: USA

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 1:38 am    Post subject: Valentine’s Day Poems for Married People Reply with quote

Valentine’s Day Poems for Married People

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/valentines-day-poems-for-married-people?intcid=mod-most-popular

This one fits right in with this topic. super grin

In France, cinq à sept was once sacrosanct,
A euphemism for rendezvous,
For the thing that men and women do.
But we are not in France.
We are here, in Montclair.
And it is well past seven.
And I promised to be home at six.
And, yes, that’s booze on my breath.
The guys and I had one . . . fine, three drinks after work.
I have forgotten the milk.
And the bread and the pasta and the pull-ups.
And the allergy medicine at CVS.
Why are you dressed up?
Wait. Today is Valentine’s Day?
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RavenStar



Joined: 21 Sep 2007
Posts: 677
Location: RavenClaw House

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:45 am    Post subject: Re: Valentine’s Day Poems for Married People Reply with quote

Annamite_en_Amérique wrote:
And it is well past seven.
And I promised to be home at six.
And, yes, that’s booze on my breath.
The guys and I had one . . . fine, three drinks after work.
I have forgotten the milk.
And the bread and the pasta and the pull-ups.
And the allergy medicine at CVS.
Why are you dressed up?
Wait. Today is Valentine’s Day?

This is very funny. I'm sure it's been happening, too!
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Du Khach
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Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 1132
Location: Aboard my spaceship

PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2016 12:46 am    Post subject: Re: A marriage in the doldrums Reply with quote

RavenStar wrote:
Pols_R_Us wrote:
I know many marriages like that, holding up just through force of habit. Or maybe just apathy. It's easier to stay with the tried and true than risk the uoheaval of pulling up anchor, all the way to divorce. Especially when there are kids.

Kids grow up. But even when they're still young, it isn't good for them to grow up in a climate of tension if the marriage is shaky, and they sense that their parents are living a lie, just going through the motions.

Yes, but as Pols says, force of habit. Things not bad enough to make the effort of changing. Then there's guilt if your spouse has done nothing to deserve being jilted. I know a triangle like that. Actually I know at least two, if not three. The man loves another woman, but his wife has done nothing to justify being abandoned, or the guy is grateful because she has stuck with him in the hard times at the start of the marriage. In two of those cases, the extra-marital relationship fell apart. In the third case it's sort of limping on.

Of course these three men are honorable and have a conscience. I know of countless other cases where the husband just walked, even if the wife was not responsible for him having stopped loving her. More cases of divorce, in fact, than of a marriage in the doldrums hanging on through force of habit and/or through children.

In that regard, I'm firmly convinced that love cannot be "stolen". Or a person, for that matter. If a spouse strays, it's because the marriage is already on the rocks, or heading there. In any case, love has died.
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Wildflower



Joined: 03 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2016 4:37 pm    Post subject: Re: A marriage in the doldrums Reply with quote

Du Khach wrote:
In that regard, I'm firmly convinced that love cannot be "stolen". Or a person, for that matter. If a spouse strays, it's because the marriage is already on the rocks, or heading there. In any case, love has died.

Agreement one hundred percent.
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