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‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ - More idiotic than erotic
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Couch Potato



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:07 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ - More idiotic than erotic Reply with quote

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Is as Sexy as a Root Canal
By Rex Reed | 02/11/15 12:18pm

In case further proof is required that movies have changed for the worse, Valentine’s Day is no longer about flowers and heart-shaped candy boxes, but a celebration of sadomasochism and twisted, titillating sex. Exhibit A: A gullible, naïve and inexperienced college girl in Vancouver goes ape for a handsome young billionaire in Seattle seeking a virgin to make his sex slave. Only a filmmaker of outstanding subtlety or a kinky provocateur with the powers of limitless exploitation could make the most of this premise. Unfortunately, Sam Taylor-Johnson doesn’t remotely succeed in Fifty Shades of Grey, the doomed movie version of the trashy best seller by E.L. James that made dildos as coveted an item on every Cosmo girl’s back-to-school list as yoga pants. The movie dead ends just like the book, and for anyone who has ever seen a real porno film, it’s tame as tapioca. But for its target audience (giggling girls and horny, frustrated anti-feminists) it’s a great gimmick for selling exotic sex toys and lubricants.

Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) is a serious business major whose man-crazy roommate sends her off to interview the mysterious Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for the campus newspaper. The result is a cliché-riddled flop for the journalism archives, but a red letter day for the Marquis de Sade when the 27-year-old tycoon with his own office building named after him takes one look at the girl and spots his next victim. What pasty virgin would not be lured into a love affair with a GQ cover who pilots his own helicopter and plays Chopin’s “Prelude in E Minor” after a five-star dinner by candlelight? But there are problems. “I don’t do romance,” he warns. “My tastes are very … singular. You wouldn’t understand.”

Anastasia has no idea what he means and neither does anyone else. “Enlighten me,” she says. In his lavish penthouse, he beckons her to his decadent “playroom” filled with walls of assorted chains, whips and a collector’s gallery of other favorite “floggers.” Appalled, she flees. But naturally, she returns, even after he presents her with a detailed contract promising her unspeakable luxuries in exchange for total dominance if she becomes his coveted “submissive.” Intrigued, she says she’s O.K. with bondage, but anal torture is a no-no and she draws the line at vaginal clamps. We’re off and running.

Alas, after more than two hours, she still hasn’t signed the contract, but this is only Part 1 of a dreaded trilogy. Two more books and movies are on the way called Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed. I can only wonder if anything more stimulating will ever happen in the inevitable novels, audiobooks, Samsung tablet rebates and smarmy publicity campaigns that are forthcoming. The movie is lovely to look at and the sets and clothes are trendy and cool, but for anyone seeking out a little action to go with the corny dialogue by screenwriter Kelly Marcel, it is safe to say nothing ever happens here. Whoever photographed the sex scenes must have been thinking of puppy dogs and breakfast cereal.

Fortunately the two heavily promoted leads are talented and pleasant, though hardly enough to leave home for. As Anastasia, Dakota Johnson can act, and although Jamie Dornan, from Belfast, seems like an odd, unnecessary choice to play an all-American corporate executive, he looks good, in and out of his pants. At the crowded screening I attended, every time he unbuckled his belt, the girls in the audience exploded with collective screams, which I found somewhat baffling because instead of living up to the screenplay’s torrid description of Christian Grey as “ridiculously hot,” Mr. Dornan is like dozens of other nice young junior stockbrokers on Wall Street. When he describes himself, in a rare moment of confessional candor, as “50 shades of fucked up,” you want to yell, “Are you serious?”

Neither of the actors are ever out of handcuffs long enough to develop anything close to a real character, and despite the overheated, heavy-breathing publicity blitz surrounding the movie, there is no full-frontal nudity. Still, if word of mouth doesn’t kill Fifty Shades of Grey, the door is open at the end for more to come. Maybe in future installments there will even be something that resembles a plot. For now, the entire movie is about as sexy as a root canal.
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Lyanna



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:16 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ - More idiotic than erotic Reply with quote

Well, I'm not surprised.

I never wanted to read the books and I certainly don't want to see the movie! dead
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Stormy Night



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 3:19 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ - More idiotic than erotic Reply with quote

You couldn't catch me dead watching that trash!
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inkling7
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:04 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

The books and the movie are not of any interest whatsoever to me either... super grin
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Jessica A



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PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2015 2:17 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

I've read somewhere that there has been a surge in, ah, gynelogical surgery in the wake of the book and movie. Rolling Eyes

I wonder whether there also was a surge in calls to locksmiths? You know, to unlock the handcuffs?
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inkling7
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2015 4:12 am    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

ROTFLMAO Jessica....Love the locksmith quip..... super grin
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sjcuk13



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:29 pm    Post subject: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

As it seams I am the only person who has read the books and seen the movie I will endeavour to share what I think. Smile

As to the reporters rant at the begging of this thread something jumped out at me as being wrong. Christian is not on the look out for a virgin, in fact that is one of the reasons why he keeps telling her it won't work between them. Also not once though the movie are ether of them in a pair of handcuffs.

BOOKS
I will admit the first book in itself is an ok read at best when you get onto the second and third book you do start to appreciate the slow burning story that all three books make up. The amount of sex that both of them have is staggering and to anyone who has read Twilight you will see the similarities are staggering but as this started off as a Twilight fan fiction that's not really a surprise.

MOVIE
In my eyes there is two ways to describe this movie 1) An ok movie with a really crap storyline 2) A soft porn movie with a really good storyline. The movie tried to do both (I am not saying ether worked but they did try) there is very little of both actors that you don't get to see. As I know what the eventual storyline will be, (I hope), I understand why they wanted to try and get the audience familer with the characters first. But some characters are completely missing witch does lead me to wonder how the third movie will work at all.

The sex scenes themselves are totally unrealistic point blank, with the exception of afterwards her hair is a mess. Depending on how you look at it you ether get three sex scenes or two and a half. With some rope play, some flogging, and a blindfold. With one very small bit where she is in suspension cuffs (not hand cuffs)

As for this whole thing this about beating up women and getting away with it issue, that's not what this is. I will admit she doesn't sign the contract but it does work both ways in this instance he just happens to be the dominant. She is the one with the power she says no to something it is not done. Not even a "can we try it once" on his part. If she says the safe words he stops.

There is one bit with a belt and she asked him to do it a few times before he dose. Afterward she hates it and leaves, he understands this and let's her go, non of this "I am sorry it will never happen again" that you would get with a batted wife

I understand that this is not for everyone, and if your not into it then you not (I will admit it does nothing for me) but I do understand people who need this and as long as no one is getting hurt against their will I don't see the problem with the whole thing.
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MollyWobbles



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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:06 pm    Post subject: Re: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

sjcuk13 wrote:
As it seams I am the only person who has read the books and seen the movie I will endeavour to share what I think. Smile

Thanks, sjcuk, I enjoyed reading your review. Smile

Quote:
I understand that this is not for everyone, and if your not into it then you not (I will admit it does nothing for me) but I do understand people who need this and as long as no one is getting hurt against their will I don't see the problem with the whole thing.

Well, that's the whole point of the "anything between consenting adults is ok" thing.

At one point I might have been tempted to go see the movie. The point when I was intrigued with the BD/SM scene. But I outgrew it, and it never did anything much for me. I think I'll pass. But I'm glad one of us did read the books and see the movie, now I have a better idea of what it's all about.

If, like I read somewhere, there's no chemistry between the actors, though, it sort of spoils the whole thing, doesn't it? Confused
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sjcuk13



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 5:23 pm    Post subject: Re: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Reply with quote

MollyWobbles wrote:
If, like I read somewhere, there's no chemistry between the actors, though, it sort of spoils the whole thing, doesn't it? Confused

In fairness this is the very beginning of the relationship, the same as twilight when they first started. It is exactly the same in the books too the "love" doesn't start until the second book when they do get back together.

Anyone who have watched a series from beginning to end will know this and will have seen it onscreen everything from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Grimm to X-men (Wolverine and Rogue) and Die Hard 3 a move just happens to condenses it into two hours.

On a separate not I am thinking I watch way too much TV and movies .... Do we have a TV and movie review thread?
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Lyanna



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:35 pm    Post subject: TV and movie reviews Reply with quote

sjcuk13 wrote:
On a separate not I am thinking I watch way too much TV and movies .... Do we have a TV and movie review thread?

This is it, dear.

Just start a thread with the movie or TV series you want to review. All reviews are very welcome, we don't have enough of those here. So post away!! Very Happy
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