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French Intellectuals to be Deployed to Afghanistan

 
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Pols_R_Us



Joined: 07 Mar 2005
Posts: 2606
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PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 10:04 pm    Post subject: French Intellectuals to be Deployed to Afghanistan Reply with quote

I already posted this in "The Funnies", but I noticed people rarely go there - and this belongs in Politix too super grin

French Intellectuals to be Deployed to Afghanistan
to Convince al-Qaida of Non-Existence of God


The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies
revealed
plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers
into
the country to destroy the morale of al-Qaida zealots by proving the
non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre
Brigade, or
'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread
doubt,
despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by
numerous
intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left
Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement
Cafes at
strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and
talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely
isolation
in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of
heartbreakingly
beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their
tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote
and
unattainable to everyone else.

Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his
confidence
in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very
intense
and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and
said,
"The al-Qaida are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous.
There
is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I
am
talking."

Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating
freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and
the
films of Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been
quick
to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of
passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a
terrible
toll on civilians in the area. Speculation was mounting last night that
Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen
Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the
creation of the universe. Other tactics to demonstrate the
non-existence of
God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that
Michael Jackson has a new album out and Jesse Helms has not died yet.
This
is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies.
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