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How to start a fight

 
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Angela



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 445
Location: Los Angeles, CA

PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2016 9:42 pm    Post subject: How to start a fight Reply with quote

I don't find these particularly funny but, well, maybe it'll elicit at least a chuckle. super grin

HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my
>>>>>>> mother-in-lawa cemetery plot as a Christmas
>>>>>>> gift..The next year, I didn't buy her a
>>>>>>> gift. When she asked me why, I
>>>>>>> replied, "Well, you still haven't used
>>>>>>> the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight
>>>>>>> started.....______________________________
>>>>>>> __
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> My wife and I were watching Who
>>>>>>> Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
>>>>>>> were in bed.I turned to her and said, 'Do you
>>>>>>> want to have sex?''No,' she
>>>>>>> answered.I then said, 'Is that your final
>>>>>>> answer?'She didn't even look at me this
>>>>>>> time, simply saying, 'Yes..'So I said, "Then I'd like to
>>>>>>> phone a friend."And that's when the fight
>>>>>>> started...______________________________
>>>>>>> __
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I took my wife to a
>>>>>>> restaurant.The waiter, for some reason, took my
>>>>>>> order first."I'll have the rump steak,
>>>>>>> rare, please"He said, "Aren't you worried
>>>>>>> about the mad cow?""Nah, she can order for
>>>>>>> herself."And that's when the fight
>>>>>>> started.....______________________________
>>>>>>> _
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> My wife and I were sitting at a table
>>>>>>> at her high school reunion,
>>>>>>> and she kept staring at a drunken man
>>>>>>> swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
>>>>>>> table.I asked her, "Do you know
>>>>>>> him?""Yes", she
>>>>>>> sighed,"He's my old boyfriend. I
>>>>>>> understand he took to drinking right after we split up those
>>>>>>> many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
>>>>>>> since.""My God!" I said, "Who would
>>>>>>> think a person could go on celebrating that
>>>>>>> long?"And then the fight started.
>>
>> When our lawn mower broke and
>> wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should
>> get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
>> else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making
>> beer.. Always something more important to me.
>> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
>> point.When I arrived home one day, I found
>> her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
>> tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time
>> and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out
>> again I handed her a
>> toothbrush.I said, "When you finish cutting
>> the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."The doctors say I will walk again, but
>> I will always have a limp.______________________________
>>
>> My wife sat down next to me as I was
>> flipping channels.She asked, "What's on
>> TV?"I said, "Dust."And then the fight
>> started...______________________________
>> __
>>
>> My wife was hinting about
>> what she wanted for our upcoming
>> anniversary.She said, "I want something shiny
>> that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2
>> seconds."I bought her a
>> bathroom scale.And then the fight
>> started......______________________________
>>
>> After retiring, I went to the
>> Social Security office to apply for Social
>> Security.The woman behind the counter asked me
>> for my driver's License to verify my
>> age.I looked in my pockets and realized I
>> had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
>> very sorry, but I would have to go home and
>> come back later.The woman said, 'Unbutton your
>> shirt'.So I opened my shirt revealing
>> my curly silver hair.She said, 'That silver hair on
>> your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
>> Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my
>> wife about my experience at the Social
>> Security office. She said, 'You should have
>> dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability
>> too.'And then the fight
>> started...______________________________
>> __
>>
>> My wife was standing nude, looking in
>> the bedroom mirror.She was not happy with what she saw
>> and said to me,"I feel horrible; I look old, fat
>> and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
>> compliment.'I replied, "Your eyesight's
>> perfect."And then the fight
>> started........______________________________
>> __
>>
>> I rear-ended a car this
>> morning...the start of a
>> REALLY bad day!The driver got out of the other car,
>> and he was a DWARF!!He looked up at me and said 'I am
>> NOT Happy!'So I said, 'Well, which one ARE
>> you then?'That's how the fight
>> started.
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Viet Chick



Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Posts: 1107
Location: Where the Boys Are

PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2016 11:46 pm    Post subject: Re: How to start a fight Reply with quote

Angela wrote:
I don't find these particularly funny but, well, maybe it'll elicit at least a chuckle. super grin

No, they're not terribly funny. I found them rather mean. one
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inkling7
Admin Pro Tem


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6218
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2016 3:45 pm    Post subject: I agree with Viet Chick Reply with quote

They have all been doing the rounds everywhere on the internet for the past couple of decades and notice they are mostly about insults to the female species except for a couple of them..... I agree with Viet Chick on this....
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