AVENUE VIET Forum Index AVENUE VIET
An Online Community
 
AlbumAlbum   FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
The views expressed herein are the writers' own and do not necessarily reflect those of the webmasters, administrators and moderators of this forum. Refer to the complete disclaimer.
Wanted: answers to more of life's big questions

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    AVENUE VIET Forum Index » Food for Thought
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
inkling7
Admin Pro Tem


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6463
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:57 pm    Post subject: Wanted: answers to more of life's big questions Reply with quote

Wanted: answers to more of life's big questions

Richard Glover

When children are little they ask lots of ''why'' questions. Why is the sky blue? Why is the tree green? And - loudly at the supermarket checkout - why is that fat man pregnant?

As adults we stop asking ''why'' and yet so many mysteries remain. Last year this column posed a series of such questions, including ''If fish oil makes you smart, how come fish aren't brainier?''; ''Why is the word 'onomatopoeic' not onomatopoeic?''; and, ''Why are scissors always sold in plastic packets that require opening with a pair of scissors, since if you had a pair of scissors …?''

Alas, they still await answers. Perhaps this lot will be easier.

❏ Why do stationery shops print their receipts on heat-sensitive paper that lasts right up until the moment you are trying to do your tax? Is the ATO funding the technology in order to reduce claims?

❏ Why do cookbooks always underestimate the time it takes to cook something? And overestimate the number of people it will feed? Either all cookbook writers are super-thin monks with faulty ovens, or the rest of us are greedy pigs with faulty ovens. Either way, the oven manufacturers must investigate.

❏ Why, in the field of male swimsuits, does it follow that the older and less attractive men - exhibit one: myself - wear the smallest swimmers? The 25-year-olds are in board shorts as big as burqas while the 70-year-olds are in posing pouches spun from golden floss.

❏ Why do people use the word ''literally'' as an intensifier - ''my head literally exploded'' - when it is the wrong word so often I want to melt into a puddle of rage, but not literally so.

❏ Why do people use the word ''ironically'' when it is, ironically, nearly always the wrong word? Oddly, they usually mean ''oddly'', which you could describe as an irony, except it's not.

❏ Why are we hopeful the United Nations will achieve peace on Earth when we can't agree on a standard charger for a mobile phone?

❏ Why do dogs bark when the phone rings when it's so rarely for them?

❏ Why do the people dressed in gym clothes show the least evidence of ever having attended a gym?

❏ Why do butchers advertise their best meat as ''grain fed'' when the really trendy thing is ''grass fed''?

❏ Why is it called a ''toothbrush'' and not a ''teethbrush'' since it is used on multiple and not singular teeth?

❏ Why has technology made it so difficult to switch on the television and watch the evening news, requiring the user to first press the ''select source'' button, trying to remember whether the TV is on AV1 or Component 2 or maybe HDMI, then trying to work out why the T-Box isn't working, at which point you root around the back of the machine trying to unplug the various extraneous devices your son has inserted into the various ports, in the course of which you find you need a torch, instruction manual and degree in computer technology? Whatever happened to the ''on'' button and then dialling up Channel 2? Should you wish to watch the 7pm news, you need to start your campaign preparations at 6.

❏ Why do they call them pants when there's only one of them?

❏ Why are they called ''occasional'' tables? What are they the rest of the time?

❏ Why does politics attract people who believe a good speech should go for an hour and have no content? (Typical of this is the Party Political Speech performed by Peter Sellers - www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBtGuu9BVE)

❏ Why do they put the buttons on a man's shirt on the right and on a women's shirt on the left? Was there a male-to-female shirt-substitution racket that had to be stopped some time in the Middle Ages?

❏ Why are staplers so crap they can't insert a staple into more than six sheets of paper without the staple bending?

❏ Why do they put the leaf-tea on the bottom shelf at the supermarket when the only people who buy it are over 45 and have the most trouble bending over?

❏ Why do they supply paint in cans of one litre, four litres and 12 litres, when all Australian bedrooms require 1.2 litres, 4.2 litres and 12.2 litres?

❏ And, while we are on the topic, why is paint so expensive? Fifty bucks? For chemicals suspended in water? Really?

❏ Why, in the era of rotary phones, did they elect to make triple zero the emergency number, when it took more time to dial than any other three-digit number? Did they want to give you a moment to look around, assess the flames which were at that very moment consuming the kitchen and coming at you down the hallway, and to consider whether it really was an emergency? Brrrrrr … thunk. Brrrrr … thunk. Brrrrr … thunk. ''HEEEEELP''.

❏ And why, when listening to the radio, are crucial pieces of news only ever broadcast when you are just entering a tunnel? ''And the Olympic medal was won by …''
_________________
The Grumpiest Old Woman on Ave Viet.....
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
TT



Joined: 14 Jul 2006
Posts: 935
Location: California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:53 am    Post subject: Attempt at a couple of responses Reply with quote

Quote:
Why is it called a ''toothbrush'' and not a ''teethbrush'' since it is used on multiple and not singular teeth?

I guess the reason is grammatical, like you say a "five-foot pole" when the pole is 5 feet. Or, for that matter, an aircraft carrier. Confused

Quote:
Why do they call them pants when there's only one of them?

Because it has two legs? Or simply because the English language is illogical anyway (like, you drive on the parkway but you park in the driveway). In French, we say UN pantalon... super grin

Quote:
Why, in the era of rotary phones, did they elect to make triple zero the emergency number, when it took more time to dial than any other three-digit number?

Well, no one has rotary phones any more, and anyway, that emergency number is only valid for Australia. In England they dial 999 (not that it's much better than 000), in France they dial 18, and in the US we dial 911.
_________________
When the cook's not happy, ain't nobody happy! bleh
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
inkling7
Admin Pro Tem


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6463
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:23 am    Post subject: Grammar Reply with quote

I suppose it is why many nations refer to Mathematics as Maths when the US folks say Math...... Why as mathematics is made up of several components eg geometry, algebra etc and not just one.....

However toothbrush in Spanish is el cepillo de dientes and in French it is brosse à dents - both plural as you can see so it really should be teethbrush as you are usually brushing more than one tooth..

Then again we say footpath when most people use two feet to walk on it..... super grin

The mind boggles..... or should that be boggle since I think I only have one mind....
_________________
The Grumpiest Old Woman on Ave Viet.....
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Laurelluin



Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Posts: 572
Location: Puget Sound

PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:14 pm    Post subject: lol Reply with quote

Thank you for posting that, Inkling. It gave me all the lol's.
_________________
In a ring of stone, on a plain of bone
The Oracular Stone
The never-empty cauldron
The Turning Tower
The three trials, The three Terrors
The Bard who plays the Night into Song
Back to top
View user's profileSend private messageAIM Address
sjcuk13



Joined: 12 May 2013
Posts: 503
Location: in my own little world

PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 12:40 am    Post subject: Re: Wanted: answers to more of life's big questions Reply with quote

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why do cookbooks always underestimate the time it takes to cook something? And overestimate the number of people it will feed? Either all cookbook writers are super-thin monks with faulty ovens, or the rest of us are greedy pigs with faulty ovens. Either way, the oven manufacturers must investigate.

lol I had never though about it like this before I just though I couldn't cook and then gave up Smile

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why are we hopeful the United Nations will achieve peace on Earth when we can't agree on a standard charger for a mobile phone?


This was sorted some time back in 2012 to be implemented buy 2014 which is why most phones on the market now will take a mini USB charger or provide an adapter to be able to use a mini USB charger.

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why do dogs bark when the phone rings when it's so rarely for them?
I have only ever known one dog to do this and that's because his owner is hard of hearing. However an interesting side note, I dog will react to what it sees the "alpha" react to that's how they learn in the while what is a threat and what isn't. If you react to your phone then your dog will too.

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Technology made it so difficult to switch on the television and watch the evening news, requiring the user to first press the ''select source'' button, trying to remember whether the TV is on AV1 or Component 2 or maybe HDMI, then trying to work out why the T-Box isn't working, at which point you root around the back of the machine trying to unplug the various extraneous devices your son has inserted into the various ports, in the course of which you find you need a torch, instruction manual and degree in computer technology? Whatever happened to the ''on'' button and then dialling up Channel 2? Should you wish to watch the 7pm news, you need to start your campaign preparations at 6.


Laughing I will admit to never having this problem me and technology normally get allong very well ... You have however just described my mum Smile

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why do they call them pants when there's only one of them?

We call them trousers so we never have this problem Smile

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why, in the era of rotary phones, did they elect to make triple zero the emergency number, when it took more time to dial than any other three-digit number? Did they want to give you a moment to look around, assess the flames which were at that very moment consuming the kitchen and coming at you down the hallway, and to consider whether it really was an emergency? Brrrrrr … thunk. Brrrrr … thunk. Brrrrr … thunk. ''HEEEEELP''.

In the UK we use 999. I have been told repeatedly by my mother (who was born before phones where common in UK households) that 999 was chosen as if you couldn't see because of the smoke the little thing on the phone that looks like a comma was so you could feel you way around the phone to be able to call the correct number the first time.
_________________
What were you talking about just then?
Nothing!
Nothing. Amazing subject that one produces such fascinating results in people


Find me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/stacey.corner.37 please send me a message first so I know it is you Smile



Proud to be a
[/color]
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
inkling7
Admin Pro Tem


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6463
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 7:30 pm    Post subject: Trousers, pants, etc. Reply with quote

Trousers is plural too so it doesn't matter what they are call but Richard Glover who wrote the article might have been referring to I undies - underpants - knickers etc... We call them trousers here in Australia too... super grin
_________________
The Grumpiest Old Woman on Ave Viet.....
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Kerowyn
Herald


Joined: 04 Sep 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Queendom of Valdemar

PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:33 am    Post subject: Pants Reply with quote

inkling7 wrote:
❏ Why do they call them pants when there's only one of them?

Maybe because they have two legs? They do say "a pair of pants", or "a pair of jeans" when in French we just say UN pantalon or UN blue jean.
_________________
Valdemar's Warrior Women
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
TT



Joined: 14 Jul 2006
Posts: 935
Location: California

PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:58 am    Post subject: Occasional tables Reply with quote

Quote:
❏ Why are they called ''occasional'' tables? What are they the rest of the time?

I've never heard of "occasional tables". What are they? confused
_________________
When the cook's not happy, ain't nobody happy! bleh
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
inkling7
Admin Pro Tem


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 6463
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 1:15 am    Post subject: Occasional tables Reply with quote

Occasional tables are usually small tables like those stackable coffee tables you might bring out sometimes/ infrequently when you have visitors/people sitting in lounge chairs and they need a small table to put their coffee cup or drinking glass down on instead of holding in their hands.... My occasional tables are not used infrequently so now can't be called that as I use them every night for my wine glass of cup of tea.... Lol
_________________
The Grumpiest Old Woman on Ave Viet.....
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
sjcuk13



Joined: 12 May 2013
Posts: 503
Location: in my own little world

PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:22 pm    Post subject: Practicing? Reply with quote

Inkling I use my "occasional" table all the time for tea too (no so much the wine).

Why do you get a practicing GP? After all that studding to become a GP you would think they don't need to practice any more.
_________________
What were you talking about just then?
Nothing!
Nothing. Amazing subject that one produces such fascinating results in people


Find me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/stacey.corner.37 please send me a message first so I know it is you Smile



Proud to be a
[/color]
Back to top
View user's profileSend private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    AVENUE VIET Forum Index » Food for Thought All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group